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Selhurst Park - Honest, It's Not That Hard To Find
Ahh, Selhurst Park, home to the might red and blue army of Crystal Palace and a VERY small bunch of no-hopers known locally as the squatters. For various reasons Selhurst is one of the more famous grounds in the country although very few of them are actually to do with the success of the home side on the pitch! In last season’s Ground Guide I subtitled this feature ‘The Wembley of South London.’ Well, this has a little more credence now, following the Woman’s FA Cup Final, which was played here in May 2001 between Fulham and Arsenal. What’s more, don’t ever forget that when you come to Selhurst you are entering an international arena. Admittedly it hosted just one match between England and Wales in 1924 but I’m sure Sven’s roadshow will be coming to SE25 again in the near future!
Of course, the part about visiting Palace is made a little more interesting by the fact so many fans do nothing but moan and groan about what a hard place it is to find. Why? What can possibly be hard about finding a ground with three mainline BR stations (Selhurst, Norwood Junction and Thornton Heath) each within ten minutes walk of the ground? We Palace fans are often bemused by Selhurst’s apparent difficulty to locate, particularly when various polls down the years have named Selhurst as the hardest ground in the country to find. Eh? Only a fool or Brighton fan can fail to find it with ease.
OK, if you’re going by car then negotiating Croydon town centre on a Saturday can be a mare, but why go by car when you’ve got so many pubs to choose from?
If you must go by car the only advice is to arrive early as parking space around the ground is minimal at the best of times. For all the jokes about the Sainsburys at one end of the ground, it does provide car parking space on a first come-first served basis. It also does good deals between 3.30 and 4.00 every Sunday afternoon which is perfect if you live near the ground and fancy getting dirt cheap shopping in and don’t mind the stuff being very close to it’s sell by date! Talking of sell-by dates, the Main Stand at Palace past it’s sell-by date around the time we were being touted as the Team of the Eighties but more on that later. If you miss out on a spot in the Sainbury’s car park, then you’ve got the `fun’ of negotiating the labyrinth of South London streets to try and dump the car for two hours. Unlike some of our friends up north, the locals don’t offer to `mind your car’ so it should be safe.
The trains are all well served by trains from London Victoria and London Bridge with regular trains provided by Connex Metro. The best services are Victoria for Thornton Heath (20 mins) and Selhurst (22 mins) and London Bridge for Norwood Junction (23 mins.) The regularity of trains means the absolute maximum you’ll ever wait for a train is half an hour, even on a Sunday but more often than not you’ll be waiting ten minutes or less.
The three stations each represent a mini-district/town of their own and each have a number of pubs for a pre-match beer or three. In fact, all three make for a good pub crawl, which is not always the case at grounds around the country, especially these poxy new out of town developments that are blighting our beautiful game that only have one pub but won’t let you in if you’re wearing colours.
Traditionally away fans tend to drink in Thornton Heath where you have several pubs on the ten-minute walk from the station to the ground, including a big Wetherspoons pub practically opposite the station entrance. The Railway Telegraph is only a 50-yard detour to the right of the station (on the other side of the road) while there are another three pubs along Thornton Heath High Street. McKenzie Brothers is a giant of a boozer which doubles up as a boxing gym and is run by boxing greats, Clinton and ex-world champion Duke McKenzie. Definitely one to pop in if you’re also a fan of the sweet science.
Selhurst Station is the closest to the ground (7-8 mins walk as opposed to 10 mins for the others) and to find pubs from here you need to walk away from the ground by taking a right as you leave the station. Just three minutes walk and you’ll come across the Selhurst Arms on the left, which is under new management as of summer 2001. However, it’s still a good boozer and fans from both sides can mix freely. The Selhurst Arms is barely a minute from both the White Horse and The Two Brewers. Gamblers will be pleased to note they can stagger from the Selhurst Arms into William Hill which has kindly (although my bank manager would disagree!) been moved 100 yards from nearby Sydenham Road to be nearer the pub! Coming out the back entrance of Selhurst station is The Crescent Arms is situated along the Whitehorse Road and only ten minutes walk to the ground. It serves the usual lagers and a few varieties of beer, Theakstons, Courage etc. Numerous TV screens including a big screen are dotted around the pub showing Sky Sports before and after the game. Two pool tables and a dartboard are available to use. It is a friendly pub and tends to get busy at about 2pm. Match Programmes are also available to buy from behind the bar.
As is the case in most parts of Sahf Landon there are plenty of fast food outlets, most of which have only opened up in the last year or so. There’s a Chinese, chicken place, a chippy and a Carribean food store PLUS two cafés as well. The amazing thing is, Selhurst is so small there are probably obnly about 15-20 shops/businesses in that stretch of which 7/8 are food outlets and three are boozers! Living in Selhurst myself, I can vouch for the quality of most of these places. One look at my waist will confirm my point!
Norwood Junction provides the hardened drinker one of the best pub-crawls on the football circuit. No fancy bars in the All Bar One mould, but good, honest London boozers serving a decent range of beer. Where else can you get half a dozen boozers that don’t ar away fans on matchdays all within a 6-8 minute walk of each other? Just 20 yards separates the station from The Cherry Trees, which has always been popular with away fans, particularly in the warmer months with it’s decent beer garden. Although away fans are welcome, don’t be surprised if the pub refuses to let you in as it does get packed in there quite early at times. Nevertheless, of all the places this will serve as the best meeting point if you don’t know the area. Not to worry though as The Alliance pub is just 100 yards up the road and in the direction of the ground.
When reaching the top of Station Road take a left for the ground or continue your pub-crawl down the High Street. From there you’ll be able to sample the delights of The William Stanley (Wetherspoons pub); The Jolly Sailor; The Albion; The Ship; and at the top of a small hill and over a railway bridge, The Goat House (traditional London style Fullers pub.)
As for food, Norwood provides The Piccolo (Italian sandwich bar) by the clock tower, which is next door to a Chinese chippy. Further down the High Street there are a number of fast food outlets, plus the William Stanley runs the standard Wetherspoon’s menu, with the other boozers offering snacks etc. Thornton Heath is one of the capitals of fast food and I don’t think it’s humanly possible to go hungry around here.
If you’re not too sure where the ground is when you get off the train just follow the crowds. This if of course unless your team’s playing Wimbledon in which case the place will look like a ghost town. The Dons have been at Selhurst since 1991 and there hasn’t been sighting of a Wimbledon fan yet. With them now in Division One these days, there’s NO chance of seeing one.
As for the ground itself, I’ve gone on record as saying it’s OK. It’s very much from the Ewood Park School of Design, which decrees `thou can have a football ground with three decent sides and one side to cause embarrassment.’ The top tier of the Holmesdale Stand (the one on the left if you’re watching on your telly,) opened in 1995, provides one of the best views in football and a fairly live atmosphere, while the Old Stand was built some time just after the Battle of Hastings and is set to collapse the moment someone actually makes some noise there! Away fans are nearly always house in the Arthur Wait Stand, which provides an adequate view, although there are positions where the pitch is obscured by pillars. When Palace play Wimbledon ‘away’ we then start to feel a little sorry for the poor sods who come to London and have to use this stand!
The programme has always been one of the more expensive but for your money you get what is continually voted the best programme in the division and one of the best in the country for your two quid. Make sure you catch a glimpse of the most distinctive programme seller in the country, namely Selhurst’s very own `Sideburns,’ one of the great cult figures. Have you ever known a programme seller to inspire a range of chants, which get chanted each time he walks round the ground during the match? Tragically the legendary sideys were shaved off circa 1997 but they’re back in their full glory now. Away fans can’t miss him as he’s on the corner of Holmesdale and Park Road, which is next to Entrance E4, where away fans are situated. You’ll know where Sideburns is well before you reach him as his queu for programmes is way longer than anyone else’s, such is his attraction!
If you fancy making a night out or weekend of it, then Croydon (either East or West, although most of the action is nearer to East Croydon station) is less than five minutes away from each of the stations mentioned and offers some decent nightlife with an ever increasing set of bars and a good half dozen clubs/late bars. Just a word of caution to you lads who fancy a night on the pull in Croydon – just beware that Croydon girls as not friendly as their northern counterparts and with Palace’s home form it may well be the only result you’ll get on a boys weekend away is on the pitch! To guarantee a result at night, just head for Cinatra’s Nightclub in West Croydon. It’s £20 to get in but all your drinks are free all night (no catches.) Even Carl Leaburn could score in here!
So there you have it, Selhurst Park – the Wembley of SE25 and home to the Eagles of Crystal Palace (as well as the squatters until they finally move to Cardiff/Dublin/Beddington/Greenhithe/Milton Keynes or Northern Tibet!) I trust you’ll enjoy your day when you visit our ground....I just hope you don’t enjoy the game!
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9 May 08 
Liverpool Football Club