Sleepy Little McDiarmid?
McDiarmid Park is often unfairly blamed for the demise in atmosphere at St. Johnstone matches over the years, but given its laid-back surroundings you might understand why. In the sleepy town of Perth, football is not the attraction it once was - Changing Rooms and Charlie Dimmock have opened up the gardening and DIY trades to the masses - and the busy retail park barely a mile from McDiarmid probably boasts more fans on a Saturday.
Many fans felt that the decrepid old surroundings of Muirton Park provided a more imposing and atmospheric arena for football to flourish, but let no-one be mistaken - Muirton was a death-trap ground which was crippling the club. Families couldn't take their children to watch a game in fear of the terracing giving way, and supporters refused to take their chances in the fire-hazard enclosure. The ground was also prone to attacks from 'casuals' who could easily gain access to the terraces over the walls on Florence Place.
The move from the Dunkeld Road was a brave one but it was also utterly necessary for the club to survive. After painstaking plans by the Saints board and some suicidal brinkmanship in negotiations with Asda, building work finally got the go-ahead in late October 1988.
Sitting on what used to be farmland growing the barley for Perth's famous whisky trade, McDiarmid was named after the farmer who donated the 17 acres of land required to found the new stadium in 1989. Bruce McDiarmid was names St. Johnstone President for life in return, a position he held until his sad death earlier this year.
McDiarmid Park rose from the fields in the summer of 1989, in time for an opener against Clydebank which saw over 7,000 fans packing themselves in to see the first home win of that promotion-winning season.
That season, coupled with the increased number of spectators prepared to pay the little bit extra for comfortable and safe facilities - not to mention an unrestricted view - saw the club go from strength to strength. This culminated in the record crowd of 10,700 which accompanied the first visit of Rangers to the stadium in 1990 - a visit which saw Saints send the champions home with something to think about, playing them off the park, and a fluke McCoist equaliser was the narrow difference between 1 and 2 points for the home side.
Since then however, the bubble has slowly lost its air supply. That season fell apart in the latter stages, with Saints going from fourth in the middle of the season to a more expected seventh. The following seasons were a tale of consolidation, with the football under Alex Totten becoming more stale than the bread in Allan Moore's burger rolls.
The atmosphere was on a complete downer - even the traditional choir of the East Stand was more muted than usual, as the club spiralled towards relegation in 1994. The Paul Sturrock era continued in the same vein, with crowds as low as 2000 turning up on a Saturday for meaningless cup games. The biggest crowds seen at McDiarmid at that time were usually reserved for League Cup semi-finals, where the likes of Dundee and Airdrie took it in turns to destroy the seats in our precious stands.
Even the promotion season of 1996/97, which produced a record 80-point haul and a 20-point victory margin, couldn't bring the same 7000 supporters who turned up for that famous Clydebank game back in 1989. The town has fallen out with St Johnstone and only visits of the Old Firm stoke up any decent attendances these days. Even so, the last visit of Rangers caused fury when it was discovered that most of the Saints end was actually filled with away fans, despite Police, stewards and management all publicly declaring the stand a home-only zone.
Some days you can almost hear the bells as the tumbleweed blows across big spaces in the Main Stand, but with an abundant amount of corporate sponsors and other facilities bringing cash to the club, even a huge drop in season-ticket sales doesn't seem to have worried the board.
Let's hope that some day they'll find a way to bring back the atmosphere of 1990. Maybe getting relegated to the First Division again and charging 1990 prices might do the trick? And let's not even get started on Alex Totten and his marble staircase...
The Ground
Matchday Attractions
'Super Saint', club mascot and cartoon hero from the official programme, welcomes all supporters to the ground. The programme in which he stars is available at the turnstiles and the club shop for £1.50. It's an excellent read, revamped and made larger for this season. The match scoreboard (between the East and North stands) provides a 'ticker' with the scores from other major games of the day.
Pies (various kinds), Hot Dogs, hot and cold drinks, crisps and the infamous blue popcorn can all be bought from the concession stands at reasonable prices.
And in case you're wondering, the entrance music at 3pm is 'The Saints Are Calling' by The Skids.
Here's your guide on where to sit:
Main Stand (3,625)
Home to the more comfortable seats in the ground, with greater legroom and a slightly better view than the other three stands - the prices are usually £1 higher because of this. On normal matchdays the stand is mixed, with away fans occupying the North end (roughly a third of the stand's seats) and a mixture of sponsor's seats, press and home fans taking up the remainder.
The Main Stand contains a small branch of Ladbrokes (open on matchdays with 6% going to the club) and the largest catering facility in the whole stadium, in the basement.
East Stand (3,500)
The diehard Saints fans reside in the East Stand, and outside Old Firm games it's strictly home fans only. There are three food stalls with plenty room to queue. A Ladbrokes 'runner' takes bets for placing in the West Stand bookies - if you win, you can get your winnings at a branch in town. Entry is usually £13. Get in early though, as many seats are reserved for season-ticket holders.
For Old Firm games, the East Stand is occupied by away supporters.
North Stand (1,800)
The North Stand is for away fans only. Prices change from week to week, depending on which team is playing, and there are two food stalls. Be careful where you sit, as with most goal-end stands the view is slightly restricted in the front rows. Entry to the North Stand is strictly by the Main Stand-side road only, for segregation purposes.
Ormond Stand (1,800)
The only stand to be named is rightly named after Saints' legendary manager Willie Ormond. To reflect his traditions, the stand is the designated 'family stand' and has ticket prices to match - at some gates, adults can only enter with a child under 16, with a £16 ticket covering both.
The Ormond end is also home to the club shop, which is apparently Scotland's only club shop to actively trade in rival clubs' fanzines.
Parking
1000 cars can pack into the McDiarmid car park at the price of £2. Season ticket holders can apply for a reserved space for the season too, at a cost of £25. Be careful where you park though, as cars who arrive earliest often end up being last out the gate.
Supporters' Club Buses can park on application, and there is capacity for 100.
Road Travel
To get to McDiarmid by road, there is a designated Football Traffic route.
From Glasgow/Stirling
You should come to the Broxden Roundabout and turn left into the Western Bypass. Continue for around half a mile until you come to the first on the left, which will take you onto the Crieff Road - turning right at this roundabout will take you straight to McDiarmid Park.
From the A9
you should come to the new roundabout at Inveralmond, where you should take the second exit - this will take you onto the Western Bypass again, and you should take the first exit - again, taking you directly to McDiarmid.
From Edinburgh
You have a slightly more complicated route. Heading from Edinburgh, you will come to the juncion just before the Friarton Bridge. Continue on the road to the left, as if you were heading to Stirling - then continue along this road until you come to the Broxden Roundabout. Take the second exit which will lead you to the Western Bypass - continue along here until the first exit on the left, which takes you to the Crieff Road - turn right at the roundabout and you're yards from McDiarmid.
From Dundee/Aberdeen
Coming via the M90, you should go over the Friarton Bridge rather than coming through Perth (as if going to Glasgow) - then you will come to the Broxden Roundabout. Take the second exit and head along the Western Bypass - take the first on the left which leads to the Crieff Road, then turn right at the roundabout. This leads you to McDiarmid.
Public Transport
Trains and buses arrive at Perth Station roughly once an hour from most major destinations. You can then take the No. 1 or No. 2 bus (Stagecoach) for 78p, which both go past McDiarmid Park - the No. 1 actually stops at the gate. These buses run every 20 minutes at weekends. The same buses are available after the game but again, be prepared to queue for 20 minutes. Taxis to McDiarmid from the town centre should set you back around £3, and provide a cheaper and quicker option for 4 people.
Food & Drink:
Perth is not exactly known for its social life. More trendy towns such as Brechin, Kirkaldy and Arbroath boast finer nightclubs and eateries. However, the reputation for being an old man's drinking town is very undeserved. Given that most pubs in the town are no more than 30 minutes from McDiarmid by public transport, here are a few classics you should watch out for:
The Abbotsford
Abbot Street, Craigie
A very strange pub, this one. It looks like a castle from the outside - funny-looking brickwork and no windows. Things don't change much once you're inside either; the whole place is dark and imposing - the seating area, on two levels, is quite large as locals go - The seats being quite remarkable in that they are of white-buttoned PVC/'leather' with marble-effect formica on the tables. This pub was the inspiration for a strange conversation too:
"The Special tastes like there's something else in it..."
"Aye - Oxo, I think.."
Note the decor on the walls too - somewhere between the Rovers' Return and Caesar's Palace. Also, pick out the rather obvious fake note detector, and dodgy-looking cooking apparatus behind the bar. Add to that the lovely toilets, which are functional and comfortable, with added protection in the form of an extra gutter on the floor beneath the urinal, in case you 'miss', done out in fantastic Roman Bath style, andfinally the fantastic jukebox in which only one speaker works....
The King's Arms
George Street
Where do you start with the King's Arms? This place used to be a common or garden local in the town, wih a good line in bar lunches and guest beers.
Nowadays it's part of an illustrious local pub chain who saw fit to rebrand the place as "Perth's only Jacobite Pub" - which apparently means turning the place into a licensed shortbread tin with tartan wallpaper and newspaper clippings about the devolution referendum framed on the wall. (We can't remember seeing a Stag's head but there's bound to be one somewhere).
The famous Saturday night Karaoke takes place in the function room upstairs and is noticeably safer than the Silver Broom's version. Don't take that as a recommendation however - quite frankly there's better things to do and life's too short.
Watch out for the dog behind the bar though (canine, not female)...
The Old Ship Inn
Skinnergate, off High Street
This is one of these pubs that thinks it's a restaurant. The bar meals (upstairs) are fine for a quick and simple lunch, but don't expect anything more!
Home to a top-notch domino team in the town, pubs don't generally come any smaller or indeed quieter. However, as usual it has a story to tell.
Apparently, one punter who enjoyed a crossword puzzle entered the bar one day, but it was so quiet in the 'lounge' that the landlord had turned all the lights off, save for the bar itself! The Bloke ordered his drink from the bar-lady and asked if he could have just one light on to do a puzzle - the lady went through to ask her boss if that was all right - to which he replied "what's he drinkin"' - "half pint of Special? Tell him to f**k off'".. Classic stuff.
This is Perth's oldest pub (est. 1642), the decor and prices haven't been updated since. You're guaranteed a seat and look out for the signed photo of Jeremy Beadle!
The Two-O-Eight Hotel
Crieff Road, 200 Yards From McDiarmid
This has traditionally become the main place for a last minute stop-off pint on the way to St. Johnstone games, or better still a celebtratory half on the way home. Sadly it also seems to be a favourite stop-off point for away fans.
Deceptively large and usually busy, this is a friendly pub with a good pool table and plenty seats - there are two bars too, so there's plenty room for everyone - even though there always seems to be people hanging out the doors!!
Add an extra half point for the first Spice Girls album in the jukebox and you've got a decent pub.
The Glen
Edinburgh Road
I can't possibly review the Glen without recounting an old Christmas Lunch story from a wee while back when I was a student. Basically someone had booked the Glen for our class, even though I had reservations from a previous visit which didn't endear me to the place. However, it was quite cheap so we all agreed to go. Things got off to a bad start when the lady serving announced that she didn't have enough of each course to fulfil the order we'd pre-booked -which was fine. Some rather poor soup got the food underway, most people having the sense to avoid prawn cocktail...
Then the fun started. The victim who finished their soup first got first crack at the main course - a plate of frozen and pre-packed Christmas turkey and trimmings, heated up in the microwave!! We waited with baited breath for our courses, watching the privileged person finish off theirs. A second plateful duly arrived, and was given out at random. Another few minutes passed, another mushy plate of nuclear turkey arrived. The pattern continued, but the strange delay ensured that by the time everyone had a plate in front of them, the first person had finished! Bizarrely, the last plateful, intended for someone who had ordered turkey, contained.... haggis!
Even more strangely, the waitress-cum-barmaid-cum-chef then proceeded to bring out the gravy.... after two people had finished!! Apparently turkey gravy brings out the flavour in Haggis but I'm not convinced. Those who ventured into the realms of a sweet had the best course of the day, and could have been up the road to a decent boozer by the time I finished mine.
Possibly the strangest bar lunch I've ever had, after which the place was invaded by rather large bikers - and they were quite welcome to the place.... I know it's been done up since I had the lunch there and the beer is quite nice - but memories last I'm afraid.
There are proper places to eat in Perth - most of the pubs serve decent lunches and there's the usual array of Indian, Chinese and Italian restaurants as well as pie shops, sandwich and coffee bars. You'll find most of the eating places in or around St. John's Square (look out for the Kirk, one of Scotland's oldest and best-looking churches - the minister is a Saints fan) so find your way to the High Street and turn down from Woolworths if you're hungry.
So by all means come to Perth and enjoy the hospitality, the culture and most of all, the football. Don't tell any of these pubs that we sent you, though!!
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7 Jan 09 
Liverpool Football Club